from: the Asimov collection



===> HOW TO SOLVE E.T. COMES BACK <===

(BY COPY/CAT OF */HI-RES<>HIJACKERS/*)

GAME WRITTEN BY: AN ASSHOLE NAMED KURT

INTRODUCTION:
=============

E.T. IS THE WORST GRAPHICS ADVENTURE
I HAVE EVER SEEN.  IT IS:

1] INCOMPLETE
2] FULL OF GRAMMATICAL ERRORS
3] FULL OF SPELLING ERRORS
4] WRITTEN IN APPLESOFT
5] WRITTEN BY A HOMOSEXUAL
6] WITHOUT A "SAVE GAME" FEATURE

IF THOSE DON'T TURN YOU OFF, CONSIDER THIS : EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE, THERE IS A
20% RANDOM CHANCE OF BEING CONFRONTED BY "GERTIE", WHO LOOKS LIKE LUCY FROM
"PEANUTS".  IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY CANDY, OF WHICH THERE IS ONLY ONE OF, SHE
PULLS THE PLUG ON YOUR COMPUTER.  GAME OVER.  IF YOU STILL WANT TO PLAY THIS
ADVENTURE, YOU MUST BE STRANGE.  BUT DON'T WORRY.  I'M STRANGER.  I FIXED IT,
SOLVED IT, AND WROTE A FILE.

IN FACT, I CHANGED THE GAME SO THAT YOU CAN KICK GERTIE'S ASS.  YOU COULD,
IF YOU WERE REALLY WEIRD, CHANGE IT SO THAT YOU CAN RAPE HER OR SOMETHING,
BUT ANYWAYS, THAT'S FOR YOU TO DO.  IF YOU WANT  M Y  FIXED VERSION, E-MAIL.

HERE'S HOW TO SOLVE THE OLD VERSION:

BREAK DOOR
NORTH
DOWN
WEST
SOUTH TWICE
GET CANDY
NORTH
TALK MICHAEL
LOOK HOMEWORK
MONDAY
GET MICHAEL
EAST TWICE
SOUTH
EAST
GET MACHINE
WEST
NORTH
EAST
GET UMBRALLA (UMBRELLA)
WEST
OPEN DOOR
UP
WEST
LOOK MOTHER
GO DESK
GET KEY
SOUTH
WEST
GET GERANIUM
EAST TWICE
DOWN
NORTH
EAST
NORTH
DROP GERANIUM
SOUTH
GET E.T.
WEST
NORTH
WEST TWICE
UNLOCK GARAGE
OPEN GARAGE
GO CAR
NORTH THREE

CONGRATULATIONS!  YOU'VE GOTTEN TO THE END OF PART 1!  WHERE'S PART 2?
DON'T ASK ME, ASK THOSE ASSHOLES WHO PUT THEIR FUCKING NAMES ON THE TITLEPAGE
(AND ADDED MASSIVE BLEEDING, WHICH I FIXED).  ANYWAYS, TRY BLOADING "ET4.PIC"
TO SEE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN YOU ACTUALLY WIN.  FRANKLY, I THINK THE
WINNERS ARE THE PIRATES WHO STAYED AWAY FROM THIS SHIT ADVENTURE.